Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
