Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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