Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
