Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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