and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
