My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
