Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
