You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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