i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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