I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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