She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.