Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
