And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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