In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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