shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize