SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
