I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
