I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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