I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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