and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
