Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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