i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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