i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
