Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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