we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
