also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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