Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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