And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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