the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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