I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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