i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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