It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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