i need an iv and a liver transplant
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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