At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
