Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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