she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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