After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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