I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
