Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
