I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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