Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
