If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
