well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
