You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
