I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
