Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
