ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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