I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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