It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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