if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize