When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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