You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
