I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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