The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
