the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
