You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
