Ambien. No doubt about it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize