We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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