We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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