You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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