never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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