its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
