Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
