i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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