grandma shit on top of the toilet
Small penises have feelings too.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dick very happy bro
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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