I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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