Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
