I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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