i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
